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Today's featured article Today's featured article – Rastadon The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...) Recently featured: The Addams Family Finnish sauna The B-52s Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – The Addams Family The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries May 18: Eat Your Meat Day (India) 4829 BCE - Oedipus Rex kills his mother and marries his father. 10 CE - Hannibal crosses the Alps and eats his enemies. 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions. Time pauses for 5 hours and 23 minutes. 1968 - Donald Trump says something truthful; last recorded occasion. 1972 - Marilyn Manson is born. He cries. 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall. 1994 - Somebody has sex in Denver. 2001 - Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life is premiered in the USA and received extremely negative reviews, to the point of making Shrek kill 100,000 people. 2006 - The Nike Revolution starts. 2007 - Veggies are outlawed. 2007 - Marilyn Manson smiles, looks in the mirror and then cries again. 2016 - 873 people ask Jacob Tremblay for a selfie, breaking the previous record of 420. 2940 - The first T-rex is spotted since Jurassic times. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day spunk Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace (pictured) Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do Ukraine destroys large Russian warship, again GOP will have no candidates in 2024 Argentina goes off the deep end More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... that Bill Cowher isn't actually that fireman that saved you, ma'am? ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border? Do you care... ... that Peyton Manning knows Terrell Owens is the REAL reason he's not playing Today? ... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out? Read More
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Quarterback of the Month and Waterboy of the Month David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System. If a picture is worth a thousand words, those on Noob of the Month MoneySign's image gallery are good for an average of at least 940 words apiece (he loses points because his Taste picture offends the Greeks). Classic Money highlights include Hazard Dogs and the tuberiffic logo for UnNews, which MS constructed entirely out of string, spittle and beer can tabs. Congratulations to Rcmurphy, this year's Most Valuable Player! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006

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