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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,251 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Henry Kissinger Henry (born Heinz) Alfred Kissinger (May 27, 1923 – November 29, 2023) is the most notorious bore of 20th-century international politics and the chief proponent of Realpolitik. He developed an approach to diplomacy called Primat der Außenpolitik and an approach to language involving sprinkling pretentious foreign words everywhere. His unintelligible advice baffled both Richard Nixon and thus certainly Gerald Ford, the two U.S. Presidents under whom he served between 1969 and 1977. His call for détente in U.S.–Soviet relations sent leaders of both nations to the dictionary, hoping it meant something dirty. His diplomacy played a crucial role in 1971 talks with Chinese Premier Zhou Enlai that concluded with a rapprochement between Kissinger and a lot of hot Chinese chicks. In the crowning achievement of his career, he was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for talking Nixon out of his last-ditch plan to win the Vietnam War by carpet-bombing Stockholm. (more...) Recently featured: Rastadon The Addams Family Finnish sauna Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Rastadon The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget June 8: Be Suspicious of Your Friends and Co-Workers (They're Trying to Kill You) Day 1210 - Rain is discovered by Vatican scientists. 1213 - The Vatican, under Pope Innocent III, creates purgatory. 1312 - King Edward II became the first man to successfully grow a goatee beard. 1798 - North Dakota moves to its present location from beside the River Thames. 1861 - Tennessee secedes from the Union. Nissan decides it will build its plant there after all. 1900 - Hitler's moustache is born. 1901 - The Queen of the United Kingdom, Empress of Canada, Grand Sheila of Australia, Most Merciful Pasha of Yorkshire, is expelled from her mother's uterus into the world. 1949 - 35 years after starting it, George Orwell finally completes his futuristic novel Nineteen Fourty-Four. 1963 - Doctor What changes his name to Doctor Who. 1969 - Bill Clinton fails to inhale. 1979 - Mel Gibson speaks in enhanced Aussie accent after discovering he was born in Peekskill, New York. 1983 - The United States Government collapses then reforms in a period of twelve hours. No one notices because a cute kitten is born on TV. 2011 - You read this. You wished you had not bothered. You take a sip of tea and note a slightly odd taste. Distracted, you reread this line, except now it is dated 2011. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is [[ diablo]] Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement (pictured) Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone? Do you blimey care... ... Wikipedia has an article about potato production in Zimbabwe, leaving Uncyclopedia editors stunned? Care to read more?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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